I just read over my last few posts and realized that I bitch a lot about being unemployed, so I'm going to give that a rest for now and walk you through an average day for me in the Big City. Refer to the picture at left if you're more of a "visual person." It was taken about 10 minutes ago. Yes, my glasses are on my head, because, as my grandmother told my mother when she was a child, I "look so much prettier without my glasses." Almost every picture of my mother from the time she was 10 features her with glasses on her head or in her hand. Knowing that fun fact about the level of functionality of my family, please enjoy a day in my life.
1) Wake up around 9 or 10 and look out the window for a couple of minutes and hope that it's raining or at least overcast so that I won't feel like as much of a piece of shit for what I'm about to do next.
2) Pee. (Hint: this is not the part I feel like a piece of shit about. It's a normal bodily function)
3) Get a Diet Coke and my computer, turn on the TV, and play on the internet for the next few hours. I generally prefer to watch The New Adventures of Old Christine and How I Met Your Mother first, then go through the guide to find an episode or 4 of Law and Order. Little known fact: It is a law in New York State that an episode of one of the Law and Order franchises must be playing on some channel at all times. Failure to adhere to this ordinance will result in a fine of up to $500 and being forced to watch the guy from Criminal Intent freak out for 24 hours straight.
4) While watching TV I set arbitrary little deadlines for myself to either get up and shower or apply for jobs on Media Bistro. The deadline is usually the next hour. For example, right now it's 2:16, so I'll get up at 3. (Hint: I probably won't)
5) Finally make myself get up, shower, apply to a few jobs while waiting for my hair to dry, grab a book and my journal and get out of the apartment.
6) Try to find a place just like Walker's in the city. Fail. Sit at the least threatening looking bar and try to read.
7) Write down horrible things about the other people in said bar.
8) Get slightly drunk.
9) Walk home and think about how it's just a matter of time before I'm a well-known, beloved American authoress.
10) Think about how underused the word "authoress" is these days.
11) Resolve to repopularize the word "authoress."
12) Sit on the couch and play on the internet and watch TV with Lyndsay until she goes to bed, because she has a job and I'm not bitter.
13) Get in bed and set my alarm for 8 because I'm going to get up and exercise and write all morning.
14) Play on the internet or watch BBC miniseries on Netflix until 3 am. Turn off alarm.
15) Fall asleep to dreams of being rich and famous.
Mixed in with all of those things are several minutes of me talking to myself or pretending to talk to others (usually famous people), because I'm totally delusional. Right now I'm wearing a Three Keyboard Cat Moon tshirt given to me by my brother for Christmas last year. I have no qualms with wearing this shirt in public. If anything, living in New York has made me really really not give a shit about anything, and, I must say, I'm pretty happy about that.
I suspect my parents think I'm depressed, because I spend so much time alone. Clearly they never paid any attention to me at all as a child, because if they had, they would know that I love being alone. That whole "talking to myself" thing is actually really fun for me, because then the conversation always goes how I want it to go and I always get in the best one liners. Why would I want to talk to someone else where I could (and probably would) sound stupid when I can talk to myself and sound awesome? Yes, I do have a very inflated sense of self, and no, I don't feel bad about that. I'm better than you. I always win.
Well, I guess I should get back to my schedule. I've got to change the channel, because some Law and Order knock off show is on and I'm scared I'm going to get in trouble.
Here's the new Jay-Z and Kanye West album Watch the Throne about which I'm very conflicted, as you will know if you follow me on Twitter.
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