Seeing as cleanses are the hip new thing to do right now, I’m sure you all have tried one, or at least know what they are. For those of you who have been living under a stupid rock, a cleanse is where you only drink weirdo powdered meal replacement things or only eat apples or something equally stupid for a specific number of days then you feel all better and you can be all condescending to your friends. In short, cleanses are really amazing (if you enjoy being condescending to your friends). Because I have around zero self-control and am a lady-child, I decided that there was no way in hell that I’d be able to not eat anything for a week, so instead, I’m just doing a sort of semi-cleanse. I drink a fucking disgusting delicious meal replacement “shake” in the morning and then try to eat grown-up food (meaning not candy and french fries) for the rest of the day. It’s going pretty well, but let me spin you a wee yarn about this grainy, seemingly silt-based, “vanilla” meal shake. I bought it off Gilt Group in a moment of temporary insanity, and have begun drinking it in a moment of sustained insanity. The powder itself looks and smells like cake mix, but, when combined with water as the directions suggest, it tastes like cold, liquid plastic. The worst thing about it is that it doesn’t taste bad enough to not drink it, but it doesn’t taste good enough to try to actually do a full cleanse. So now I’m stuck in a weird cleanse limbo, and I fear that I shall be here for the rest of my days. Farewell, society. I’ll miss you.
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