I Have a Graceful Leap and Impeccable Grooming Habits

They made me a lieutenant. I wanted to be a captain, but they told me I was all wrong for the job. I calmly explained that my long jump record is better than almost anyone in my troop, and reminded them that I had arranged a very respectable pouch for myself. It can hold up to three wine bottles and a miniature Chihuahua, a regular-sized Chihuahua if the wine is in juice boxes. They just said, “Blah Blah Blah you’re not a kangaroo, captains must be kangaroos Blah Blah Blah.” So I pulled out a machete and got my revenge. Actually, we drank the juice box wine and listened as the regular-sized Chihuahua gave a very eloquent speech on Affirmative Action in Spanish.