Monday, September 26, 2011
Coming Soon...
I'm at work right now, and don't have the patience to stand here and write a full blog post, but tomorrow there WILL be a new post about my weekend in Atlantic City. I'll leave you with these words: pink, leopard-print cat suit. See you tomorrow!
Friday, September 16, 2011
I'm Tired. Also, Fashion Rant
I know that last week I said that I'd write a new post after I had a few days to recharge from the booze-a-thon that was last week, but here's the thing. The thing is that I started my second job this week on top of my internship and now I'm freaking exhausted. The internship at Grove/Atlantic is pretty great, but I was very busy this week. Yesterday I sent out 152 copies of the same book. It took four hours. Woof. Second job is at a brand new skin care shop called Cellure. The store hasn't actually opened yet so we've been running around like a bunch of bufoons trying to get everything ready. It's a really cool product line, though, so everyone should check it out. I'll wait. Neat, eh? Now I'm tired. All this is to say that I have neither the energy, nor the mental capacity right now to write a full post. Sorry. I'm a bad blogger. Here's a post I wrote in the airport 2 weeks ago. It was written at 8 in the morning and I'm not even going to read over it, so it may be stupid and/or offensive. Again, sorry (not really). 
Fashion Rant
I know that I am not the first to say this, nor shall I probably be the last, but as I sit at LaGuardia waiting for a flight to Atlanta, I cannot help but despair at the state of my fellow travelers’ vestments. Though I realize that flying is not the rarity and therefore not the special occasion that it once was, I can’t help but ask, “Does no one care anymore?” To look around at the people both boarding and disembarking, it seems that everyone has decided collectively to not give a shit how they’re perceived. While flying is a fairly unpleasant process, especially for those of us in steerage, and I don’t think it’s necessary to wear a suit or an Easter dress, would it kill people to not look like they had just rolled out of bed. Perhaps it would be a better experience overall if everyone came together and at least tried to look like they’ve achieved the level of success needed to be able to afford to fly. Even at my best, I generally look a touch rumpled and shabby next to my more stylish peers, so when I am one of the best-dressed people around, it’s not a good sign for society at large. Of course, there will be people who disparage this opinion, shouting, “Clothes are superficial! What does it matter what you wear so long as you know that you’re clever/successful/interesting?! Why should we kowtow to materialism and the status quo beauty ideal?!” To these people I will say, “Shut up. You are wrong, and here’s why.” Whether we like to admit it or not, the way we feel about a person on first meeting has a great deal to do with how they look. If a person is tidy and nicely dressed and appears well rested, we generally think of that person positively. Conversely, if a person appears slovenly and unkempt and like we’ve caught him readying for bed, we feel ill at ease, as if perhaps something’s gone wrong in their life and why on Earth would you want to be around a stranger in the middle of an emotional crisis? That’s just awkward for everyone involved. Obviously a plane trip is not an interview and if you would really rather be “comfortable” than have people treat you with respect, that’s your prerogative. Though as for that, who says you can’t be comfortable and also look like not a hobo?
This discourse leads me into a larger matter altogether. There are certain pieces of clothing that people insist on wearing that actually upset me upon sight:
The first offender: tennis shoes, or “sneakers” to our yankee brethren. There are precisely two times when it is appropriate to wear these shoes, and all of them involve physical activity. If you are exercising or performing manual labor, tennis shoes are 100% appropriate. They provide the proper amount of traction and support, as well as protection of the feet for such strenuous activities. If you wear them at any other time you just look depressing and you might as well change your name to Tiffani and move to somewhere in middle America, because I am sick of having to see you scuffling around.
The next offender is cargo anything. Ask yourself these questions when deciding whether it is appropriate to wear cargo pants: Am I in the military? Is this part of a required uniform? Am I doing some sort of construction that requires several easily accessible pockets in which to keep nuts and bolts and the like? If the answer to any of those questions is “Yes,” then congratulations, you are in the very tiny minority of people who are allowed to wear cargo pants/shorts. If the answer to all of those is, “No,” then climb back in your time machine, remember that it’s not 1997, and you look like a giant douche.
The next is going to involve some explanation, so stick with me here: hats. Not all hats are bad, but not every hat looks good on every person, and, in fact, it takes a very specific type of person to pull off a hat, and that type of person changes depending on the chapeau. For example, a straw fedora only looks good on the absolute hippest of hipsters; those of you trying to emulate the hipster style with a hat you picked up at Urban Outfitters, might want to look in the mirror once more. See that goon staring back? That’s you; now take off the fedora. Newsboy caps, on the other hand, look good on exactly no one and should all be burned. That may sound extreme, but it’s for your own good.
The final item I will discuss has not always been an object of my disgust; in fact, I am ashamed to say, I wore this item for many years and so am using my knowledge to help others. I also know that I'll probably get in trouble with a lot of my friends for saying this, but I'm willing to take that chance, because I am an innovator. Offender #4: Flip flops. Like the cargo pant, flip flops are appropriate at exactly two times: the beach/pool and communal showers. Actually, I’m being generous with the beach/pool, but it’s understandable that one would not want to get their cute sandals sandy/chlorine-y. Not only do these “shoes” (if you can even call them that) make a horrible sound, but they make everyone’s feet look fat and flat and sad, like little pig feet sprouting from enormous cankles. I have been told on more than one occasion that I have beautiful feet (seriously, and, yes, I realize how creepy that compliment is), so if they make my feet look bad, they must be truly awful. For some reason, the professional women of New York have decided that flip flops are the most comfortable shoes in the entire world and immediately change into them upon leaving the office. To them I must say, “You have a good job; you are obviously successful, so why do you feel the need to look like idiot trash? Go buy some Tory Birch flats and be done with it.” Of course, not everyone can afford Tory Birch, myself included, but luckily we live in America where you can get a comparable knock-off of just about anything. I’m sorry if I sound like a snob (not really), but I’m sick of being ambushed by sadness and anger every damn day. Take some pride in your appearance, or at least try not to look like a blob of melancholy.
I know that I am not the first to say this, nor shall I probably be the last, but as I sit at LaGuardia waiting for a flight to Atlanta, I cannot help but despair at the state of my fellow travelers’ vestments. Though I realize that flying is not the rarity and therefore not the special occasion that it once was, I can’t help but ask, “Does no one care anymore?” To look around at the people both boarding and disembarking, it seems that everyone has decided collectively to not give a shit how they’re perceived. While flying is a fairly unpleasant process, especially for those of us in steerage, and I don’t think it’s necessary to wear a suit or an Easter dress, would it kill people to not look like they had just rolled out of bed. Perhaps it would be a better experience overall if everyone came together and at least tried to look like they’ve achieved the level of success needed to be able to afford to fly. Even at my best, I generally look a touch rumpled and shabby next to my more stylish peers, so when I am one of the best-dressed people around, it’s not a good sign for society at large. Of course, there will be people who disparage this opinion, shouting, “Clothes are superficial! What does it matter what you wear so long as you know that you’re clever/successful/interesting?! Why should we kowtow to materialism and the status quo beauty ideal?!” To these people I will say, “Shut up. You are wrong, and here’s why.” Whether we like to admit it or not, the way we feel about a person on first meeting has a great deal to do with how they look. If a person is tidy and nicely dressed and appears well rested, we generally think of that person positively. Conversely, if a person appears slovenly and unkempt and like we’ve caught him readying for bed, we feel ill at ease, as if perhaps something’s gone wrong in their life and why on Earth would you want to be around a stranger in the middle of an emotional crisis? That’s just awkward for everyone involved. Obviously a plane trip is not an interview and if you would really rather be “comfortable” than have people treat you with respect, that’s your prerogative. Though as for that, who says you can’t be comfortable and also look like not a hobo?
This discourse leads me into a larger matter altogether. There are certain pieces of clothing that people insist on wearing that actually upset me upon sight:
The first offender: tennis shoes, or “sneakers” to our yankee brethren. There are precisely two times when it is appropriate to wear these shoes, and all of them involve physical activity. If you are exercising or performing manual labor, tennis shoes are 100% appropriate. They provide the proper amount of traction and support, as well as protection of the feet for such strenuous activities. If you wear them at any other time you just look depressing and you might as well change your name to Tiffani and move to somewhere in middle America, because I am sick of having to see you scuffling around.
The next offender is cargo anything. Ask yourself these questions when deciding whether it is appropriate to wear cargo pants: Am I in the military? Is this part of a required uniform? Am I doing some sort of construction that requires several easily accessible pockets in which to keep nuts and bolts and the like? If the answer to any of those questions is “Yes,” then congratulations, you are in the very tiny minority of people who are allowed to wear cargo pants/shorts. If the answer to all of those is, “No,” then climb back in your time machine, remember that it’s not 1997, and you look like a giant douche.
The next is going to involve some explanation, so stick with me here: hats. Not all hats are bad, but not every hat looks good on every person, and, in fact, it takes a very specific type of person to pull off a hat, and that type of person changes depending on the chapeau. For example, a straw fedora only looks good on the absolute hippest of hipsters; those of you trying to emulate the hipster style with a hat you picked up at Urban Outfitters, might want to look in the mirror once more. See that goon staring back? That’s you; now take off the fedora. Newsboy caps, on the other hand, look good on exactly no one and should all be burned. That may sound extreme, but it’s for your own good.
The final item I will discuss has not always been an object of my disgust; in fact, I am ashamed to say, I wore this item for many years and so am using my knowledge to help others. I also know that I'll probably get in trouble with a lot of my friends for saying this, but I'm willing to take that chance, because I am an innovator. Offender #4: Flip flops. Like the cargo pant, flip flops are appropriate at exactly two times: the beach/pool and communal showers. Actually, I’m being generous with the beach/pool, but it’s understandable that one would not want to get their cute sandals sandy/chlorine-y. Not only do these “shoes” (if you can even call them that) make a horrible sound, but they make everyone’s feet look fat and flat and sad, like little pig feet sprouting from enormous cankles. I have been told on more than one occasion that I have beautiful feet (seriously, and, yes, I realize how creepy that compliment is), so if they make my feet look bad, they must be truly awful. For some reason, the professional women of New York have decided that flip flops are the most comfortable shoes in the entire world and immediately change into them upon leaving the office. To them I must say, “You have a good job; you are obviously successful, so why do you feel the need to look like idiot trash? Go buy some Tory Birch flats and be done with it.” Of course, not everyone can afford Tory Birch, myself included, but luckily we live in America where you can get a comparable knock-off of just about anything. I’m sorry if I sound like a snob (not really), but I’m sick of being ambushed by sadness and anger every damn day. Take some pride in your appearance, or at least try not to look like a blob of melancholy.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Rules, Rules, Rules
Guess what! I found this unpublished post on my computer and now you get to read it. Wouldn't wanted any of the 7 people that sometimes read my blog to go into withdrawals because I made bad decisions last week. Read and be delighted!
As I have said before, I went to private school (I'm a pretentious asshole, remember?), and, as is the case with many private schools, we wore uniforms. Starting in first grade and continuing all the way up to twelfth, I wore basically the exact same thing 5 days a week, 9 months a year, and I freaking loved it. Actually, at the time I didn't really think about it at all, but now I'm glad for the experience. Never once did I have to think about what I was going to wear to school. Sure I spent hours deciding what color ribbon (or scrunchie between 1995 and 1998) to wear and whether to bunch my tube socks at the ankle or pull them to the knee, but that was about the extent of my worrying for a good 12 years of my life. By the time I got to college, I actually had a hard time dressing myself for class [Note: this is a joke, if you didn't get that, stop reading here]. Not only did it save me a lot of time, but it saved my parents a lot of money, which they then funneled directly back into the school. My point is that, for the most part, uniforms were a good thing. They served not only as an equalizer, but also, and it pains me to say this because it's exactly what the school wanted, it helped me to define my character as something separate from the way I dress.
Of course, as a child I bitched and moaned when I would get in trouble for wearing non-uniform shoes or socks or jackets, and it only pissed me off more when my parents took the side of the school. How dare they?! I am their child, their baby, they should always agree with me. ALWAYS. Their "reasoning" (if you can even call it that) was that I knew what I was doing was against the rules and I did it anyway, so I deserved the consequences (which were usually nothing, I was a nerd, teachers generally let the nerds get away with more). Now, being a wise and mature 22 years old, I actually agree with my parents. It's amazing what a few years can do for your reasoning skills.
I've been ruminating on this because of a news story I recently read. Some first grade boy in San Antonio was suspended from school for wearing an earring and refusing to cut his hair. Now every idiot and his mother, including that beacon of stupidity, Perez Hilton, has jumped all over the school for their evil policy. People are mostly enraged because the little boy in question is growing out his hair for Locks of Love and how dare the school not allow him to help kids with cancer. Ok, here's the thing, I think Locks of Love is a fantastic organization. I have donated hair to them twice. I support Locks of Love. BUT it's against the school's policy for boys to have long hair. Also, what the hell is a first grade boy doing with an earring? My annoyance has nothing to do with his being a boy and everything to do with him being in first grade. Children with earrings are trashy. Sorry. Anyway, I realize that a lot of people view traditional gender roles as being on par with racism, but just get over it. Honestly, I think gender roles are wonderful. Sure they shouldn't dictate every single decision made in a person's life (I'd go so far as to say that almost nothing should hold that sort of power over a person's rationale), but they're nice. After all, how can I be proud of being a woman if being a woman is exactly the same as being a man? Also, androgyny creeps me out a little bit. Back to the issue at hand. The kid, or rather his parents, as he's only 7 so I don't hold him responsible, broke the rules. If they would like to change the rules to fit with their very lofty ideals, then perhaps they should engage in a rational discussion with the school. If they cannot persuade the school to change their policy, then they either need to switch schools or move on. Believe it or not, there are actually a lot of things in the world a lot more worthy of outrage than some kid getting in trouble in school because he broke the rules. Teaching your child to answer opposition with whining rather than reason is only setting him or her up to be a lazy, impotent adult with entitlement issues. Shocking as it may seem to the generation of "adults" currently raising small children, rules and boundaries are a good thing. They teach children that there are consequences for actions. I'll use my own life as an example here. I fucked around in college and now I'm having a hard time finding a job. Whose fault is that? As much as I'd love to say that it's UGA's fault for being located in Athens, GA (a line of reasoning that these people seem to think makes total sense), I know I can't. It's my fault. I could have studied and worked hard and done internships and been a research assistant, but I didn't, and now I have to live with the consequences. Obviously, a little boy having long hair and an earring does not necessitate his being unsuccessful in life, but rewarding him for breaking the rules might. Change is not gotten by complaining, but by being proactive. Rules are set in place for a reason; if you break them, you will be punished. If you sense that the rules are unjust, set about changing them in a calm, mature fashion. If you have enough free time to worry that much about something as insignificant as a school's dress code, you need to grow up and get some real problems. I don't even have real problems, and even I think you sound pathetic. Really the only part of the school's decision I disagree with is that the parents went unpunished. They knew that his having an earring and long hair was against the rules, and they chose to ignore that, which in turn teaches their son that if you disagree with a rule you can just break it, thus perpetuating the problem. It sounds to me like this poor kid's parents are using him as some sort of statement against authority because they weren't loved enough by their hippie-turned-yuppie parents. Also, the mom's name is Kandi, which basically says everything right there. Sorry if this turned into a bit of a rant, but, as someone who fully supports civil disobedience when it actually means something, this little bullshit really annoyed me. Go about your day.
As I have said before, I went to private school (I'm a pretentious asshole, remember?), and, as is the case with many private schools, we wore uniforms. Starting in first grade and continuing all the way up to twelfth, I wore basically the exact same thing 5 days a week, 9 months a year, and I freaking loved it. Actually, at the time I didn't really think about it at all, but now I'm glad for the experience. Never once did I have to think about what I was going to wear to school. Sure I spent hours deciding what color ribbon (or scrunchie between 1995 and 1998) to wear and whether to bunch my tube socks at the ankle or pull them to the knee, but that was about the extent of my worrying for a good 12 years of my life. By the time I got to college, I actually had a hard time dressing myself for class [Note: this is a joke, if you didn't get that, stop reading here]. Not only did it save me a lot of time, but it saved my parents a lot of money, which they then funneled directly back into the school. My point is that, for the most part, uniforms were a good thing. They served not only as an equalizer, but also, and it pains me to say this because it's exactly what the school wanted, it helped me to define my character as something separate from the way I dress.
Of course, as a child I bitched and moaned when I would get in trouble for wearing non-uniform shoes or socks or jackets, and it only pissed me off more when my parents took the side of the school. How dare they?! I am their child, their baby, they should always agree with me. ALWAYS. Their "reasoning" (if you can even call it that) was that I knew what I was doing was against the rules and I did it anyway, so I deserved the consequences (which were usually nothing, I was a nerd, teachers generally let the nerds get away with more). Now, being a wise and mature 22 years old, I actually agree with my parents. It's amazing what a few years can do for your reasoning skills.
I've been ruminating on this because of a news story I recently read. Some first grade boy in San Antonio was suspended from school for wearing an earring and refusing to cut his hair. Now every idiot and his mother, including that beacon of stupidity, Perez Hilton, has jumped all over the school for their evil policy. People are mostly enraged because the little boy in question is growing out his hair for Locks of Love and how dare the school not allow him to help kids with cancer. Ok, here's the thing, I think Locks of Love is a fantastic organization. I have donated hair to them twice. I support Locks of Love. BUT it's against the school's policy for boys to have long hair. Also, what the hell is a first grade boy doing with an earring? My annoyance has nothing to do with his being a boy and everything to do with him being in first grade. Children with earrings are trashy. Sorry. Anyway, I realize that a lot of people view traditional gender roles as being on par with racism, but just get over it. Honestly, I think gender roles are wonderful. Sure they shouldn't dictate every single decision made in a person's life (I'd go so far as to say that almost nothing should hold that sort of power over a person's rationale), but they're nice. After all, how can I be proud of being a woman if being a woman is exactly the same as being a man? Also, androgyny creeps me out a little bit. Back to the issue at hand. The kid, or rather his parents, as he's only 7 so I don't hold him responsible, broke the rules. If they would like to change the rules to fit with their very lofty ideals, then perhaps they should engage in a rational discussion with the school. If they cannot persuade the school to change their policy, then they either need to switch schools or move on. Believe it or not, there are actually a lot of things in the world a lot more worthy of outrage than some kid getting in trouble in school because he broke the rules. Teaching your child to answer opposition with whining rather than reason is only setting him or her up to be a lazy, impotent adult with entitlement issues. Shocking as it may seem to the generation of "adults" currently raising small children, rules and boundaries are a good thing. They teach children that there are consequences for actions. I'll use my own life as an example here. I fucked around in college and now I'm having a hard time finding a job. Whose fault is that? As much as I'd love to say that it's UGA's fault for being located in Athens, GA (a line of reasoning that these people seem to think makes total sense), I know I can't. It's my fault. I could have studied and worked hard and done internships and been a research assistant, but I didn't, and now I have to live with the consequences. Obviously, a little boy having long hair and an earring does not necessitate his being unsuccessful in life, but rewarding him for breaking the rules might. Change is not gotten by complaining, but by being proactive. Rules are set in place for a reason; if you break them, you will be punished. If you sense that the rules are unjust, set about changing them in a calm, mature fashion. If you have enough free time to worry that much about something as insignificant as a school's dress code, you need to grow up and get some real problems. I don't even have real problems, and even I think you sound pathetic. Really the only part of the school's decision I disagree with is that the parents went unpunished. They knew that his having an earring and long hair was against the rules, and they chose to ignore that, which in turn teaches their son that if you disagree with a rule you can just break it, thus perpetuating the problem. It sounds to me like this poor kid's parents are using him as some sort of statement against authority because they weren't loved enough by their hippie-turned-yuppie parents. Also, the mom's name is Kandi, which basically says everything right there. Sorry if this turned into a bit of a rant, but, as someone who fully supports civil disobedience when it actually means something, this little bullshit really annoyed me. Go about your day.
Friday, September 9, 2011
It's Been A Long Week
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